The post Don’t Take Rejection Personally appeared first on Darryn Van Hout.
]]>Are you that kind of a person who takes rejection personally? Well, don’t expect to grow! That’s right, and this post is for you; try digging in to the end.
Of course, the emotional pain that comes with rejection can damage our self-esteem, moods and affect our well-being. Yet, as you shall see in this article, the biggest damage caused by rejection is actually self-inflicted.
Three months into the year of 2021, four of my major clients backed out of our contracts almost at the same time. In no time, my monthly income plunged from $15,000 to $1,200. My world crushed insultingly; so unbelievable how all the four could leave at once. And honestly, the rejection I felt run deep.
Whether you experience a slight inconvenience or major happening, the emotional pain of rejection really hurts. When you decide to pursue a promising opportunity only to be met with the stings of denial, it hurts even more.
Yet, being rejected doesn’t spell the end neither is it innately negative. Actually, it’s how we interpret it that turns it into an opportunity or impediment. For me, losing the four key clients was just a setback that set me up for a greater comeback. I’m glad it happened that way.
We cannot sugarcoat the agony, shame and embarrassment that come with rejection. According to fMRI studies, feelings of rejection are associated with the same neural pathways that trigger physical pain.
As a matter of fact, one study discovered that swallowing Tylenol reduced the emotional pain caused by rejection.
Scientific research aside, our society today looks at rejection and failure as two sides of a coin. If you’re not considered for a promotion, you’ll inform everybody around you that your boss “rejected” you or that you “failed” to meet what was expected for promotion.
Eventually, we start thinking that the reason we didn’t get the promotion is because we lacked something. That explains why we get fussy over rejection—since it caresses our ego to make it focus on itself. What didn’t I do? Why did they give him the promotion instead of me? Was I not qualified enough?
Look at rejection as a chance to reflect, make changes, grow and become successful. Unfortunately, our reactive perception of rejection swathes it with negativity making it difficult to look at it otherwise.
For instance, when you keep telling yourself that….
Not taking rejection personally can be hard but the best way to overcome it is by applying reason. Here are some reasons which prove that rejection isn’t always as serious as it seems.
Looking beyond the emotional hurt you will realise that rejection passes a message. According to blogger Amy Tang, this message “is simply information regarding compatibility between you and what you were rejected from.”
So, what you do with this information is entirely up to you. But again, rejection has a lot to do with information relating to compatibility.
For example, the MIT’s announcement explaining the reason as to why they were forced to re-institute the SAT/ACT (no, ACT isn’t Advanced Card Tricks) requirement after taking a short break: their research revealed that standardised tests were more accurate in predicting student academic success at MIT.
Here’s their explanation about the change:
When we talk about evaluating academic readiness for MIT, that doesn’t mean we are measuring your academic potential, or intrinsic worth as a human. It only means that we are confident you, at this specific moment in your educational trajectory, can do well in the kind of hard math and science tests demanded by our unusual education.
MIT announcement
If you find yourself rejected by your Tafe or university owing to your exam scores, the message is simple: your quantitative skills couldn’t match your theirs. Period!
In our minds, the world is all about us. Every interaction is filtered through our perceptions. When we are rejected by someone, then they have poor thoughts about us. But hey, we have NO idea what others think about us.
Brianna Wiest, the author of 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, explains:
We assume that people think the way we do—because our internal narrative and process of the world is all we know.
Brianna Wiest
In reality, there are a million and one things going on that we can’t see.
From the face value, we’ll only see the job rejection but won’t see the company considered an employee who has been working with them for years. We’ll focus on the “Read at 7:55 p.m.” pop up. But won’t see how the recipient of the message is driving and can’t respond right away.
Rejection can prompt us to re-think our attitudes and re-evaluate our self-worth. However, rejection only highlights a very small portion of who we truly are. Imagine yourself proposing a fresh idea at work and your boss ignores it. It’s your initiative that gets measured up and assessed, not your whole self worth as a person.
It’s surprising that rejection can end up being the most constructive thing to ever happen to you. Even when that means losing all your best clients within a week.
Have you been rejected lately? Great! This is an indication that you’re on your way forward. Since, if you’re not facing any rejection occasionally, it could mean you are evading change hence stagnant.
Keep in mind that rejection is a sign that you’re taking up new opportunities. The world will never throw opportunities at you—you have to take yourself out there and go for them.
When I lost four of my biggest clients at the beginning of the year, it had to do with the fact that my business depended more on these four clients. As an entrepreneur, I needed to increase my client base to achieve more stability.
Sure, this was a setback. But it was a sign that my business had grown to a point of attracting such serious clients that could sustain my business.
Just a reminder that rejection is also an indication of healthy resistance. For instance, if customers reject your rates for your products or services, it could also mean that your prices are great. You can’t appeal everyone.
You may not see it right away, but rejection gives you a great opportunity to learn.
You can use it to gather information about a given situation. For example, during a job search you may send your resume to 30 companies and only hear from two.
What if you improved your resume instead of lamenting over the 28 unresponsive companies? Would the results change? Consider rejection as a data point and make relevant adjustments, then continue with your race to greatness.
Rejection gives you a chance to enhance your skills. You can start by asking yourself, “why not?” And this entails understanding the reasons behind a specific decision so as to enhance it in the future.
If you’re a digital marketer, then you will be familiar with the ‘split testing’. Use method this in everyday life. You will be surprised at how much faster you will excel professionally and personally.
After my four clients dumped me, I took time to analyse the reasons that led to the situation. This happened in the thick of COVID-19 when lockdowns were the order of day and people had to work from home. Managing employees virtually put a strain on my ability to deliver services effectively in the way that I use too. Past this shame of burnouts and rejection, I felt something else, relief.
Being a seasoned sales professional, rejection is built into my professional identity. I am still human though, holding my clients close to my chest. This aside, I still had to go through the motions.
I took a break just to revitalise and recover from the pain of rejection. I gained the courage to ask my clients what exactly had happened and to my surprise, it was nothing personal—two were experiencing similar challenges as I was, another’s budgets dwindled along with staff moral while another closed down operations shortly after. And even if their reasons could have been personal, for example, negative feedback on my services, this would still have been an opportunity to learn and improve my solutions.
Clearly, none of my ex-clients pinpointed my inherent self-worth. Yet the situation of the rejection gave me the opportunity to cold-pitch new clients, find new ways to provide solutions virtually and become more forward-thinking.
And finally, the rejection got me writing this article.
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]]>The post You Can Earn Way More Money by Boosting Your Emotional Intelligence. Here Are 4 Ways to Do It appeared first on Darryn Van Hout.
]]>What is emotional intelligence and how is it relevant in 2020? A new research has shown that folks with high Emotional Quotient (EQ) earn an average of $50,000 annually more than folks with lower EQ.
Emotional Intelligence or Quotient is basically a strength that can help us in various ways. Besides improving our mental health and general well-being, it’s the hidden secret behind every great leader.
Daniel Goleman, an established godfather in the field of Emotional Intelligence, long discovered that it was an important leadership skill for effectively managing personal relationships. In 1998, Goleman penned an exceptional Harvard Business Review article titled, “What Makes a Leader,” where he made an irrefutable statement that:
The most effective leaders are all alike in one crucial way: they all have a high degree of what has come to be known as emotional intelligence. It’s not that IQ and technical skills are irrelevant. They do matter, but … they are the entry-level requirements for executive positions. My research, along with other recent studies, clearly shows that emotional intelligence is the sine qua non of leadership. Without it, a person can have the best training in the world, an incisive, analytical mind, and an endless supply of smart ideas, but he still won’t make a great leader.
With that at the back of your mind, it’s also amazing to know that emotional intelligence can boost your income, and even considerably increase it.
That’s right.
I see you opening your eyes wide… how? I’m glad you asked.
Well, according to the latest research, folks with high levels of EI make an average of $50,000—a pretty reason to boost yours, right?
The new research just put in your hands 50,000 great reasons why you should consider improving yours.
The co-author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 Travis Bradberry carried out the study together with his team where the EQ of more than 42,000 people was tested and their scores compared with their annual earnings.
In the study, Bradberry notes that, “The road to higher income is paved with the quality of your relationships. People earn more money as they become more emotionally intelligent.”
The road map to higher EQ is not really a destination but a journey. However, the path along the journey towards building up your emotional intelligence skills will sure pay off in greater ways than you could ever imagine, including rewarding you with a fat bank account.
With a plethora of ideas, strategies and suggestions floating around the web about how to effectively boost your emotional intelligence, there’s no excuse as to why you should remain in your status quo.
To break them down for you, here are four fundamental ways to reach your destination—of course through good practice and intentionality.
This is where the emotional intelligence begins and basically involves getting familiar with your personal emotions. Ever wondered why sometimes you feel the way you do, a feeling that leaves you all confused? Well, by improving your self-awareness, you will be able to understand why some people or situations make you happy, sad, angry or ecstatic. So get to understand your emotions a little more, it will help you particularly when working or collaborating closely with difficult personalities within your quarters.
A leader who boasts high emotional intelligence can redirect disruptive impulses or emotions and avoid jumping into making hasty conclusions. For instance, when a team messes a delivery, a leader with EQ engages the self-control gear and resists the urge to explode and point fingers. S/he will simply step back, assess all possible reasons why things did not go as planned, explain the implications to the team and explore possible solutions with them.
Ensuring that your employees feel valued is a critical prerequisite of skillful managers. Displaying empathy around their experiences by seeking feedback is one of the best ways to achieve that. First, listen carefully with your mind as well as heart, without judging them. Then change the script in your mind from “driving people to perform” to serving their unique needs to enable them feel empowered to excel in their respective areas. When you do this, you’ll be surprised with the countless opportunities coming your way that compel you to practice empathy.
During uncertain or difficult times, leaders having a high degree of EQ don’t bury their heads in the sand or hide behind closed doors, neither do they delegate critical communication needs to others.
Regardless of the situations at hand, you will find them at the front line sharing plans and visions for the future, tackling questions and arising concerns, and calming doubts and fears. Employees turn to such leaders for reliable information, true expectations and status of the situation at hand. That’s why any visible and approachable leader will confidently “walk their four corners”. They check in on their teams and personally address questions to make sure the trust is continuously build and people feel valued and secure.
But let’s face it, not every personality is wired to naturally solve issues with soft-skill solutions as highlighted above.
If this is your most dreaded challenge, then revert to what most great leaders do: Hire a good action coach to empower and help you on your way to self discovery as you boost your EQ. As you learn new ideas and grow in self-awareness, be sure to integrate the behavioural change into your day-to-day personal interactions and decision making. Then relax as you watch your earnings grow.
A Business Coach is better than a consultant for many reasons. With years of successful experience that can provide valuable insight, your Business Coach will help you develop long-term and short term goals and strategies, as well as improve your business in areas that you might have overlooked. You may be able to survive in business without the help of a Coach, but it’s almost impossible to thrive…
Bill Stack – Action Coach
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]]>A giant ship engine failed. The ship’s owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a young. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
Two of the ship’s owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!
A week later, the owners received a bill from him for ten thousand dollars.
“What?!” the owners exclaimed. “He hardly did anything!”
So they wrote the old man a note saying, “Please send us an itemised bill.
The man sent a bill that read:
Tapping with a hammer………………….. $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap…………………….. $ 9,998.00
Effort is important, but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference!
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